I’m Extra and I Know It.

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My 40th Birthday Prom…and the dress that matched my purple hair!

Back in 2018, I had announced to friends that I didn’t want to celebrate my 40th birthday. The casual question of “so what do you want to do for your birthday this year” was asked one night at The Fullerton Pub, and my immediate answer was nothing. It had nothing to do with the age I would be turning. It had to do with who wouldn’t be there.

Life is full of loss. While it is a fact – it isn’t something that I feel I need to personally accept or embrace. I think I’m allowed to be downright pissed off about losing people we love and if my form of a temper tantrum is skipping my birthday – so be it. There are certain moments and events that squeeze at my heart and inspire anxiety. My birthday has become one of those recurring moments.

I’m not sure which one of us brings the alcohol and which one of us brings the bad decisions…but Lord knows our collective maturity level decreases when we are together! Like my youngest the Retro Prom Party was totally Jen’s fault…

I don’t know if Jen immediately recognized why I didn’t want anything special for my birthday. It is likely that she did – which is why she casually suggested that I should have a 90’s Prom.

It was almost like a dare. A dare that I immediately accepted. Within a matter of days, I had formed a Prom Committee. We had a group chat – named “Prom Committee.” We picked colors (hot pink, teal and purple). We scoured Pinterest and 90’s movies. We looked up dresses and hairstyles. We went to Goodwill. We ordered dresses. We shopped my closet (since I have kept every dress since 1993…)

We booked a hall that was awesome in every way. Even the name – “IOOF.” Independent Order of Odd Fellows. (Yup. Odd Fellows Hall.) It was old and quirky and fit over 100 people. There was a stage for a DJ. So I hired a DJ. We set a menu and I cooked.

My parents came. My four younger children went to their Aunt & Uncle’s house that was five minutes up the road. Emma joined us in the festivities. My brother and sister-by-love drove down. We danced and we ate. We laughed and we shared stories. I had friends from nearly every chapter of my life.

My awesome parents. My Dad showed up with his HS Reunion name tag – which made everything even more awesome.
Emma wore my dress from my senior gala at Loyola. Circa 2001. It fit her perfectly.
Mom & Dad – cutting a rug

Much like any event – in a blink of an eye, it was over and time to clean up. Before we packed it all up and headed home – I got to have 7 minutes in heaven with my partner in crime…

Pete came prepared with the “Occupied” sign on a tie for the closet door…it wasn’t quite 7 minutes…but it was long enough to get a fun picture!

We had so much fun setting up and preparing for the party – but it was just as much fun to pack it up and put it all away into cars. And just like that – we were headed home with our kids in the car, ready to tuck ourselves into bed.

The party was a group effort – start to finish. And it was exactly what I needed. It was a reminder that despite my loss, I had this amazing army of friends who were 100% invested in seeing me smile – even when I was sad.

I finished my night in the best place – snuggled in bed with the little guy – who spent his whole night just waiting to hug his momma.

The Best Little Chocolate Cake in Baltimore

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I am a cake snob. Complete cake snob. Cake comes with calories – and if I’m going to be eating that many calories, they better be worth it! I apply the same reasoning to pizza, bagels and Chinese food. So if I assess the cake situation and it looks like a lard-based “buttercream flavored” icing, I’m moving on. I’ll stick to what is real! In my whole 40 years, I think I have had just one cake that didn’t come from a person I knew (Mom) or a real bakery.

This is why I love this chocolate cake:

  • It isn’t crazy rich or sweet so it pairs well with a buttercream or cream cheese icing
  • It is a one-bowl-prep cake batter…I’m not a fan of sifting flour and combining dry ingredients separately…you know…when you have four different bowls going and you need to add things in a certain order? I’m too ADHD for that!
  • It’s a light cake – fluffy
  • It is easy
  • It’s a crowd pleaser

I get annoyed with those blogs that give you 87,524 words before the ingredients list, so I’m going to start with the basic ingredients and then take you step-by-step on my Out-Of-This-World cake for my baby girl’s Falalalallama Birthday celebration.

Everything you need to make this amazing cake…in one picture!

Ingredients:

  • All Purpose Flour, 2 cups
  • Salt, 1 teaspoon
  • Baking Powder, 1 teaspoon
  • Baking Soda, 2 teaspoons
  • Unsweetened cocoa powder, 3/4 cup
  • Sugar, 2 cups
  • Vegetable Oil, 1 cup
  • Hot Coffee, 1 cup
  • Half-and-Half, 1 cup
  • Eggs, 2 large
  • Vanilla extract, 1 tablespoon

Instructions:

  • throw all of the ingredients in a bowl. Mix well.

That’s basically it! But for the sake of those who sift and sort…here you go…

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Combine flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda, sugar and cocoa powder. Mix well.

Add liquid ingredients in order listed, one at a time, while mixing. Mixture will be very thick initially but will ultimately end up very thin and runny.

Pour batter into greased pans. I typically use a baking spray with flour – because I’m easily distracted and no effort of mine ever seems to work as well as the can! However, I ran out of my spray in the middle of baking this time around and busted out the good old can of lard and it worked like a charm!

Bake for 30-35 minutes. My oven needs exactly 34 minutes. I encourage testing with a wooden skewer. Cakes are done when the skewers come out with crumbs instead of liquid batter.

Remove the cakes from the pans before they cool completely. I usually let them sit for about 10-15 minutes before I put them on a cooling rack. They are extremely *moist* cakes and will get stuck to your cooling rack. Floured parchment paper helps.

One of my biggest areas of struggle with cake baking is knowing how much I need and how many batches to make.

I made 2.5 recipes and that yielded 3 9″ rounds and 3 6″ rounds.

Teenager in the House: Party Planning 101

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Me: I don’t see how it is possible that we are about to have a teenager when I have yet to reach 30!

Husband (the accounting/math dude): It’s called teen pregnancy

Eye roll. Thanks, Sparky.

While I may not feel a day over 23, I most certainly am and I well beyond old enough to have a near 13-year-old in the house. It blows my mind on a regular basis that this little girl – my first baby – is about to be a teenager. I swear she was just a newborn, nestled in my arms. She was just learning to smile and taking her first steps. Rosie has been my special buddy since day one, and when it came to planning her 13th birthday party, I wanted to make it as special and as unique as she is.

Step 1: Picking a Theme

Last year, when she was an “immature 12-year-old,” my girl liked all things unicorns and galaxies. She has apparently matured beyond that, however, so I had to be a little more creative when picking a theme. I don’t normally do “theme” birthday parties for my kids. They have a cake – and it themed and flavored to their liking – but I’m not usually one to get balloons and decorations to match. This was a little different, though. There are lots of things about my Rosie that make her special. She is goofy and fun – sweet and kind. She cheers and dances and plays softball. She loves to spend time with “tiny humans,” as she calls them – and she even assists at her dance studio with the younger children. While all of these things are fun, none of them felt right for a “theme” for her party. Then one day, she pointed out this fun llama shirt. Boom. There it is. Llama. Fun to type, more fun to say…she would have a Llama party!

Step 2: The CAKE

I’m a baker. I love to bake. I love to make cakes. I love to have fun for my kids’ birthdays. The three most recent birthdays in my house have resulted in a Stranger Things Marbled Velvet cake, a Pokemon custom ice cream cake and an Apple Pie ice cream cake for Rich. (He didn’t need a decorative theme…). And don’t forget the Paw Patrol cake from August! I had no clue where to begin with a Llama cake, so I took to Pinterest until I found one I liked. Putonanapron.com supplied me with the image I liked the best:

Viola! I’m feeling inspired! Aren’t you? (Stay tuned for my cake adventures)

Step 3: Additional Decor

Admittedly, I’m feeling a bit insecure regarding the additional decor. Typically, I have Halloween decorations up for the kid with the October birthday and Christmas decorations up for my December and January babies. Now I’m throwing Llamas into my Christmas mix. I took to Amazon.

Oh, la llama! I found this amazing backdrop! I’m not entirely sure where I am going to put it – but I already have a backdrop stand from 40th birthday party, so it seemed like a fantastic idea. I can worry about the logistics later!

And nothing says “birthday fun” like Llama party supplies and Llama Balloons. Eek. Amazing.

Of course, no Thriving Thirteen party would be complete without a Llama Birthday Shirt.

By this point in my Amazon shopping experience, I’m giddy and just looking for Llama things. Am I going to use the Llama Chocolate molds? Not sure. Or how about the Llama Cookie Cutters? And I ordered a journal that managed to bring together the Llamas and the Thriving Thirteen themes. “It only took 13 years to be this awesome.” I decided tonight to use it as a guest sign in book, so my Rosalicious can forever remember her Thriving Thirteen in the happiest of ways.

Step 4: Menu Planning

I always ask my kids what they would like to eat on their birthdays and for their birthday parties. Rosie selected Wishbone Pasta with chicken, Vodka sauce, sweet bread and homemade butter. That’s not all to the menu – but that is a start! These are just a few of the birthday girl’s favorite things!

The Heat Is On…

We now have 5 sleeps until her birthday party, and a whole lot to do! Thanksgiving was crazy late this year, so I lost a whole weekend…which means my Christmas decorations aren’t up and our tree isn’t purchased. My house is also a ridiculous disaster. With five kids, it is always a little bit of a disaster – but with the recent passing of my father-in-law, we spent some time out of state and our house is showing our absence! (There is a collection of overnight bags just chilling in the foyer and living room). Needless to say, we have some work to do!

I’ll start my Monday with making a list of things to do and things to clean. One room and one task at a time, right?

A Pirate Looks at 40

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Well…

This is it.

This is 40.

I woke up this morning and I expected to feel different. I expected to feel older or wiser…or even just more achy. I didn’t. I just felt like me. Me on my birthday – so, you know, me with light up numbers on my head and extra glitter..

Theoretically, I am halfway through my life. Maybe more. I am technically past the point of impulsivity and bad decisions. I am firmly in the Responsible Zone. Or at least, I should be.

In my mind, I am forever 23. Recent college graduate with no responsibilities who could go anywhere and do anything on a whim. At 23, I belonged to me. I was solely my own. I was not a wife or a mother. I was my very own definition.

That feels like a very long time ago.

I now carry the labels of wife and mother. Don’t get me wrong – I wear those titles with honor and pride. However, in wearing the titles that attach me to others, I have, in a way, lost my sense of self and my understanding of what truly makes me happy.

This is going to be the most ADHD blog you are ever going to read. Some of my posts will be about me. Some will be about my children. You might see some recipes or Pinterest projects…weight loss…one thing is for sure – this blog will be about my journey…my 41st trip around the sun. My successes and my failures.

All that and then some.

I hope we both enjoy the ride.